Midnight meanderings

It's been a good while since I've felt like I have something I want to say. The last thing I wrote was two sides of very depressing and angry scrawl when drunk (which will not be seen again) and before that some other emotional but un-blogworthy ramblings (which I think I ended up sticking on my deviantart).
I've not really been up to much since I last wrote on here. I'm still jobless, still living at home, still not driving and still trying to distract myself with endless tasks that never get finished. It was my birthday a couple of days ago and that got me thinking about life and its mediocrity. I haven't really thought seriously about it all for the last month or so. Not that I'm thinking anything particularly exciting in the grand scheme of things; just about how there's actually no point worrying about where life is headed and why I'm not where I thought I'd be. All I can do is take control of all the individual aspects I can and by doing so, hope I can eventually steer myself in a positive direction. Looking at my current situation like this, it turns out there's actually quite a lot I can do.
I can't control whether or not I will actually get given a job, but I can choose which ones I apply for (it's so difficult to balance applying for enough to get paid, but not get lumbered with an unwanted job). I can also use the money I get while looking to take the immediate pressure off. I can't control the state of our house (a constant source of stress for me) but I can clear out my room, sort out all the crap I've been hoarding and make myself a little sanctuary. I can't live anywhere else at the moment, but I can start making plans for when I eventually leave- looking at flats, possible jobs and planning what I'll need. I have only limited control over when I'll finally master driving but I can go out to each lesson with a positive outlook; relaxed and attentive instead of stressed and panicky. I can't ignore the fact I have a long list of self-appointed tasks that just keeps extending, but I can work through them steadily. There's something so satisfying about crossing things off a list!
From today I'm going to force myself to keep busy. I need to gather up some motivation from deep down and use it to make sure I fill this life-gap with positivity. I need to get out of the house more than my weekly dog walking at Dogs Trust.
On a lighter note, I'm annoyed we keep having power cuts this evening! I'm trying to watch Shigurui Death Frenzy (a pretty but slow-moving, complex anime) and I keep having to find my place all over again. Also, everytime the power goes all the house alarms start up which is not a fun sound at all. The only torch I can find is a lightsaber which makes noises that are really loud and irritating.
There. It feels better to have a little rant! lol I think that's me done for now. Over and out.