Locks and Mental Blocks

I've discovered I'm not as much of a blogger as I thought I might be... I think part of the trouble lies in the fact that despite there being a constant babble of thoughts (many highly interesting, relevant and amusing; others less so) running through my head, for the most part I seem fairly incapable of actually channeling the flow. This often includes the simple act of channeling my thoughts to my mouth (many a humorous speech failure, miss-timed comment or unexpected sentence-blurting has occurred as a result). The problem seems to be amplified whenever I am required to bring thoughts out into the aether via the telephone. Using the phone frequently fills me with a sense of dread at the inevitable decline in my brain function as soon as the device appears next to my ear. This rediculous inaptitude towards expressing the inner workings of my mind also appears to extend to an inability to get my brain-thinkings out in other formats (via the computey-box, inky-stick or even in an arty manner).

Overall this leads to a feeling of being somewhat powerless and definitely very frustrated. It has even led to the frustration of others at my apparent lack of opinions or feelings about a great many things. It's not that I don't have them- I just can't get them out! I just feel like there's so much going on up top that I want to share but my attempts to do this are constantly hampered. For example, I do feel (without wanting to sound too pompous) that somewhere within the murky depths of my mind-tank there is definitely a novel waiting to be unearthed or an art piece I'm actually proud of , maybe even a script of some sort. Although with current forcefield that appears to surround my thoughts, nothing can get out. True, I get the odd spurt of actually exhibiting proper expressive ability (this being a shoddy example of one), but these are all too few. The irregularity of these spurts creates the additional frustration of me constantly having an abundance of half-finished projects lying about begging to be completed.

My head is like a heavy old wooden trunk with a robust and ancient metal lock at the front. The lock has always been tricky to open but as time goes on, both the mechanism and the key start to rust and decay, so the trunk becomes increasingly more difficult to unlock and eventually the contents of said trunk are forgotten and rendered meaningless. I just need a way to break open the rusty lock so the contents can be freely accessed.

Anyway, feeble attempt to explain my state of mind (or lack thereof) and lame analogy over with I shall now depart and continue to try and solve a little more of the mystery and freakish wonder that is me.